It may be hard to see yourself while looking at your reflection but she's still there.
She's been changed by life experiences. Her eyes often have bags under them. There's an extra thirty pounds on her body, marked with stretch marks and scars. But don't worry, it's nothing to be ashamed of. The bags under my eyes are earned from late nights; nights spent laughing and snuggling. The stretch marks and scars a badge earned from motherhood, a badge I proudly wear, even on the hard days.
Girl, quit apologizing. Don't apologize for the way you snort when you laugh. Nor should you apologize for how you dress or wear your hair. Don't apologize for choosing to wear makeup. If it makes you feel good, do it. Don't feel lame because you chose to stay home on a Friday night while all your other friends were out. You should never be sorry for being yourself, ever.
Don't judge your self-worth on the achievements of others. You've done it your whole life but in your mid to late twenties, you're going to fight a pretty big inner battle because of it. You are not defined by your lack of a college degree, nor are you any less successful because you became a mother at 19. While your friends are out there pursuing their dreams, celebrate them, encourage them. You are successful in your own ways and the older you get, the more you'll realize that.
You're going to have your heart broken but it will mend. You're going to fall several times while you're young but be more conscious of the guys you give your heart to. Trust your gut. The childhood friend that you fell head over heals for, when he walks away, let him. Don't chase after someone who won't chase you, nothing good comes from it. You're only opening yourself up to more heartache. But one day, someone will walk into your life that changes that. For a long time you're afraid to let him in. Trust me when I say you should. He will be the one who continually builds you up, the one who sticks with you through some of life's biggest challenges, loving you at your worst. Flash forward 14 years and spoiler alert, that same guy becomes your husband and the father of your children.
Don't be afraid to stray from the beaten path. Embrace change. Don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from taking the leap. Follow your heart, fight for what you believe in.
Sometimes those closest to you are the ones who hurt you the most. You're going to feel hurt, battered and bruised. You're going to wonder what it was that you did to make them treat you the way they did. Sweet girl, it was never your fault. Selfish people only care for their own pleasures, even when it causes pain to someone else.
You will have to work hard for what you want. However, everything you want is within your reach.
You will experience unimaginable loss. Allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to grieve. It's going to knock you down, it's going to hurt like hell. However, when you finally manage to come out on the other side, you'll come through a much stronger person.
As your life changes, so will your circle. Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Choose to be around people who touch your heart and who let you be yourself. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care and don't judge you for your decisions. Let's face it, we will all make some less than stellar choices in our lives. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person and bring out the best in you, people who get you.
Dancing like no one is watching. I know, I know, pretty cliché. But DO IT. It's okay to let your hair down and get lost in a beat. In fact, on the hard days, I encourage you to do so. Dancing it out always worked for Meredith & Christina, I'm quite positive it can work for you too.
Live. Stay up late binge-watching a show, even if you have to be up at 6:30 the next morning for work. Get in the car and drive with no destination in mind, you'll make some of your best memories this way. Run a 5k [and by run, I mean "wog" because hey, we work with what we got]. When you've had a rough day, take a yoga class or go to coffee with friends, you'll feel like a new person afterwards. Let your kids be kids; let them make a mess of your house, it cleans up. Make self care a priority. Laugh, a lot.
Dierks Bentley says it best in his song:
Some days you just breath in,
Just try to break even,
Sometimes your heart's poundin' out of your chest,
Sometimes it's just beatin'.
Some days you just forget,
What all you've been given,
Some days you just get by,
And some days you're just alive,
Some days you're livin'.
Some days you're livin'.
Just try to break even,
Sometimes your heart's poundin' out of your chest,
Sometimes it's just beatin'.
Some days you just forget,
What all you've been given,
Some days you just get by,
And some days you're just alive,
Some days you're livin'.
Some days you're livin'.
And let me tell you girl. Right now, you're livin' your best life.
Love,
Your 30 Year Old Self
