Love Is a Battlefield

Love isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes, it's really damn hard.

Have you ever heard the saying "a strong relationship requires choosing to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to like each other?" TRUTH.  

Love isn't always a fairy tale. It's sometimes a comedy, other time it's a drama. And some days, you have no idea where in the hell you stand. 

Jacob and I have been together for 14 1/2 years. We started dating when we were 16 years old , had our first child together when we were 18 & 19, and got married nine years ago at 21 & 22. And boy oh boy, has it been quite the ride. 

Shortly into our relationship I broke his heart. And mercy, it was for such a silly reason..... also known as the new boy in the neighborhood.... eek. Bet y'all didn't know that. I blame it on being young and dumb. However, looking back, I know it was because my 17 year old self was absolutely terrified of how quickly I was developing feelings for him. My younger brother Michael was absolutely ruthless during this time, going to bat for Jacob time and time again. And then, the powers above interjected:

I'd left my cell phone sitting on the back bumper of my dad's truck while my brothers and some neighborhood kids were out playing a game of knockout or pig. Needless to say, I didn't remember I'd sat it there until it was too late.  I was sitting in the house, mumbling and grumbling to my mom about being a total doofus when our house phone rang. My brother came into the room, phone in hand. "Jacob's on the phone for you." I was dumb-founded. What could he want? We hadn't talked for over a month. I took the phone, "hello?" He quickly explained to me he had my phone and was wondering if he could bring it by. Wait....what?!?! After he arrived, he let me know that he'd been getting his hair cut when his cell phone rang. My name generated on the caller ID so he picked it up. A man explained to him that he'd found my phone in the road and while the screen was shattered, he had attempted to call out, hoping to reach myself or someone I knew. He got Jacob. Again, we hadn't talked in over a month, he wouldn't have been in my recent calls or texts. But somehow, he got through to HIM. 

After that day, we started talking and hanging out again. I wasn't ready to jump all in but sometimes life has a way of taking the bull by the horns. We've been together ever since then. 

But remember what I said, love isn't always a fairy tale. 

We were babies when we got together. And through the last 14 1/2 years, we've done a lot of growing, both as individuals and as a couple. Sometimes that growing brings you together and other times, it pushes you apart. 

While Jacob and I very seldom digress our marital woes  to the world, it's not to say we haven't had them. Because man, have we had them.

I remember a time almost four years ago, when I felt we were stuck. Truth of the matter is, looking back, I realize it wasn't intentional on either of our behalves, life just happened. Neither Jacob nor I's parents are still together. His parents divorced when he was young, mine when I was 21. And I'm going to be honest, during this period of time I lived in the mindset that we'd be there ourselves someday. I just thought, what make us any different? While we were living together, married and parents, this period of time felt less like a marriage and more like a room-mate situation. We barely talked, and when we did, it was more out of habit than anything. We merely co-existed. Trust me when I say it wreaked havoc on our relationship and it got hard.  During this time I was self destructing and being careless in regards to his feelings.  Luckily for me, I had a Jacob. Even though things were rough, he never gave up on us. We had to have some really tough conversations but through them, we were able to come to a revelation, we could get through this, that is, if we chose to. I remember one evening during this period, I walked out to the backyard to get some fresh air and busied myself watering flowers. As I walked past the playhouse, I looked up and there was my sign, staring right back at me, the names "Jessica" and "Jacob." They'd been there the entire time we'd lived there (they were the names of the original owner's kids). But in that moment, even though I'd seen them a million times before, they were exactly what I needed to see.  They were my reminder that we are better as a unit, complementing each other and bringing out the best in each other. 

Fast forward to today, year 9 of marriage and we're in a better place than the day we said our vows. We've triumphed, we've struggled. We've smiled, we've cried. We've felt on top of the world, we've felt lost. And yet, we've made it. 

We've been together through some really monumental moments and also some detrimental. And while it's easy to be together on the mountain tops, it's the times in the valley that will truly test you. 

And love, it's also a balancing act. 

Y'all, I can be an absolute disaster. I know it and so does he. And yet, he embraces it. He's a work horse. He doesn't call it a day until the job is done, whether it be for his career or a project he is working on at home. And while some days I can struggle with it, I also admire the hell out of him for it. Despite my momma being one of the best cooks I know, I can't cook to save my life. But Jacob? I think he was a chef in another lifetime. So he makes dinner and I do the dishes. And even though sometimes I swear he uses every dang dish in the kitchen, I really don't mind. We're both strong willed, but for the most part we know when to stand our ground and when to back down. 

Love is chaos. It's varying schedules and nights with little sleep. Sometimes it's weekly coffee dates and other times, you feel like you haven't spent quality time with each other in months. It's staying in with the kids while your partner is enjoying a night out with their friends. It's meaningful conversations and days with little words. 

Love is a battlefield; we're all scarred. That's how we know we're living a life worth fighting for.