"One day it just clicks. You begin to really realize what's important and what isn't. You learn to care less about what people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you've come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you'd never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you've fought to become."
We live in a world of judgement. We judge others. We judge ourselves.
I've been judged for my hair color. My complexion. Because I have freckles and wore glasses. I've been given opinions on my decision to not finish college, on my parenting techniques.
There was a time (up until very recently actually) that I'd let these comments get to me. I'd let the opinion of others interfere with my opinion of myself. But I've made an honest effort to be the best version of myself, to love myself, flaws and all.
For a long time, I fought with myself over the decision I made to quit college. Some days I found it hard to see my some of my friends, college graduates, excelling in a career that they had chosen for themselves and fought for and know I didn't have that, that I'd chosen to "give up." I beat myself up for not pushing myself harder and further for my children. But now I've come to realize that at that moment in my life, quitting school was the best decision for ME. Tristan was born the summer before my sophomore year. For the year after he was born, I struggled to make school my focus. I wasn't passionate about my program. Simple truth, my heart just wasn't in it. My focus was on being a mom. So I quit school and went to work full time. 10 years later, I wouldn't change it. I've found a job that I enjoy and that has taught me skills that I never thought I would grasp. And at the end of the day, my family is provided for and that will forever be my first priority.
After having two children, clothes don't fit the way they used to. I've put on a few pounds...or 15. And so many times I'd look at myself in the mirror and think, "Wow girl...how did we get here?" I know the number on the scale doesn't define me, nor do the stretch marks on my legs but I'd beat myself up and tear myself down time and time again. But now? Now I'm trying to become a healthier, fitter version of myself, for ME. I've come to love my classes at the gym. I challenge myself to get up and move more often throughout the day. And at 29, I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I look at myself and think to myself, "Man your hair looks good today. Cute outfit! Oh wow, this color really does compliment my complexion." Yes I do have stretch marks and a scar from my c-section. But you know what else? I have provided a home for two children, an opportunity that not all women get.
Little did I know it, I found my husband when I was sixteen. Almost thirteen years later, he remains by my side. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't times I was waiting for us to fail. I'd be lying if I said that there weren't times that I pushed him away. During those times I felt like if things had to end, then it was going to be in a way I could control. There are underlying issues as to why I thought this way, of which I won't dive into at this time. But now, we're in a better place than we've ever been and we're doing it for US. I'm okay with my first love being my one and only. We've fought damn hard to get here.
And those are just some of the bigger things I've come to accept. There are many others:
It's okay for me to have an opinion of my OWN.
It's okay for me to fight for the things I believe in.
It's okay to have a melt down, it's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to have parenting fails, in the end it's going to make me better.
It's okay to walk out of someone's life if you feel like you don't belong in it anymore.
It's okay to make mistakes, it's how I come back from those mistakes that matters.
It's okay to be scared, but I still need to put myself out there.
It's okay that some days it takes all I have just to breathe.
It's okay to be happy, it's okay to smile.
It's okay if I don't know how much more I can handle.
It's okay if I don't know what to do next.
It's okay to be a free spirit, to dream.
It's okay to laugh loudly, even if the room is silent.
It's okay for me to stand on my own two feet and be different.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to take chances, to follow my heart.
It's taken years of work on myself, of surrounding myself with people who build me up even on my toughest days, but I'm finally getting there. I am smart. I am capable. I am worthy.
We live in a world of judgement. We judge others. We judge ourselves.
I've been judged for my hair color. My complexion. Because I have freckles and wore glasses. I've been given opinions on my decision to not finish college, on my parenting techniques.
There was a time (up until very recently actually) that I'd let these comments get to me. I'd let the opinion of others interfere with my opinion of myself. But I've made an honest effort to be the best version of myself, to love myself, flaws and all.
For a long time, I fought with myself over the decision I made to quit college. Some days I found it hard to see my some of my friends, college graduates, excelling in a career that they had chosen for themselves and fought for and know I didn't have that, that I'd chosen to "give up." I beat myself up for not pushing myself harder and further for my children. But now I've come to realize that at that moment in my life, quitting school was the best decision for ME. Tristan was born the summer before my sophomore year. For the year after he was born, I struggled to make school my focus. I wasn't passionate about my program. Simple truth, my heart just wasn't in it. My focus was on being a mom. So I quit school and went to work full time. 10 years later, I wouldn't change it. I've found a job that I enjoy and that has taught me skills that I never thought I would grasp. And at the end of the day, my family is provided for and that will forever be my first priority.
After having two children, clothes don't fit the way they used to. I've put on a few pounds...or 15. And so many times I'd look at myself in the mirror and think, "Wow girl...how did we get here?" I know the number on the scale doesn't define me, nor do the stretch marks on my legs but I'd beat myself up and tear myself down time and time again. But now? Now I'm trying to become a healthier, fitter version of myself, for ME. I've come to love my classes at the gym. I challenge myself to get up and move more often throughout the day. And at 29, I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I look at myself and think to myself, "Man your hair looks good today. Cute outfit! Oh wow, this color really does compliment my complexion." Yes I do have stretch marks and a scar from my c-section. But you know what else? I have provided a home for two children, an opportunity that not all women get.
Little did I know it, I found my husband when I was sixteen. Almost thirteen years later, he remains by my side. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't times I was waiting for us to fail. I'd be lying if I said that there weren't times that I pushed him away. During those times I felt like if things had to end, then it was going to be in a way I could control. There are underlying issues as to why I thought this way, of which I won't dive into at this time. But now, we're in a better place than we've ever been and we're doing it for US. I'm okay with my first love being my one and only. We've fought damn hard to get here.
And those are just some of the bigger things I've come to accept. There are many others:
It's okay for me to have an opinion of my OWN.
It's okay for me to fight for the things I believe in.
It's okay to have a melt down, it's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to have parenting fails, in the end it's going to make me better.
It's okay to walk out of someone's life if you feel like you don't belong in it anymore.
It's okay to make mistakes, it's how I come back from those mistakes that matters.
It's okay to be scared, but I still need to put myself out there.
It's okay that some days it takes all I have just to breathe.
It's okay to be happy, it's okay to smile.
It's okay if I don't know how much more I can handle.
It's okay if I don't know what to do next.
It's okay to be a free spirit, to dream.
It's okay to laugh loudly, even if the room is silent.
It's okay for me to stand on my own two feet and be different.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to take chances, to follow my heart.
It's taken years of work on myself, of surrounding myself with people who build me up even on my toughest days, but I'm finally getting there. I am smart. I am capable. I am worthy.
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