Love Is a Battlefield

Love isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes, it's really damn hard.

Have you ever heard the saying "a strong relationship requires choosing to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to like each other?" TRUTH.  

Love isn't always a fairy tale. It's sometimes a comedy, other time it's a drama. And some days, you have no idea where in the hell you stand. 

Jacob and I have been together for 14 1/2 years. We started dating when we were 16 years old , had our first child together when we were 18 & 19, and got married nine years ago at 21 & 22. And boy oh boy, has it been quite the ride. 

Shortly into our relationship I broke his heart. And mercy, it was for such a silly reason..... also known as the new boy in the neighborhood.... eek. Bet y'all didn't know that. I blame it on being young and dumb. However, looking back, I know it was because my 17 year old self was absolutely terrified of how quickly I was developing feelings for him. My younger brother Michael was absolutely ruthless during this time, going to bat for Jacob time and time again. And then, the powers above interjected:

I'd left my cell phone sitting on the back bumper of my dad's truck while my brothers and some neighborhood kids were out playing a game of knockout or pig. Needless to say, I didn't remember I'd sat it there until it was too late.  I was sitting in the house, mumbling and grumbling to my mom about being a total doofus when our house phone rang. My brother came into the room, phone in hand. "Jacob's on the phone for you." I was dumb-founded. What could he want? We hadn't talked for over a month. I took the phone, "hello?" He quickly explained to me he had my phone and was wondering if he could bring it by. Wait....what?!?! After he arrived, he let me know that he'd been getting his hair cut when his cell phone rang. My name generated on the caller ID so he picked it up. A man explained to him that he'd found my phone in the road and while the screen was shattered, he had attempted to call out, hoping to reach myself or someone I knew. He got Jacob. Again, we hadn't talked in over a month, he wouldn't have been in my recent calls or texts. But somehow, he got through to HIM. 

After that day, we started talking and hanging out again. I wasn't ready to jump all in but sometimes life has a way of taking the bull by the horns. We've been together ever since then. 

But remember what I said, love isn't always a fairy tale. 

We were babies when we got together. And through the last 14 1/2 years, we've done a lot of growing, both as individuals and as a couple. Sometimes that growing brings you together and other times, it pushes you apart. 

While Jacob and I very seldom digress our marital woes  to the world, it's not to say we haven't had them. Because man, have we had them.

I remember a time almost four years ago, when I felt we were stuck. Truth of the matter is, looking back, I realize it wasn't intentional on either of our behalves, life just happened. Neither Jacob nor I's parents are still together. His parents divorced when he was young, mine when I was 21. And I'm going to be honest, during this period of time I lived in the mindset that we'd be there ourselves someday. I just thought, what make us any different? While we were living together, married and parents, this period of time felt less like a marriage and more like a room-mate situation. We barely talked, and when we did, it was more out of habit than anything. We merely co-existed. Trust me when I say it wreaked havoc on our relationship and it got hard.  During this time I was self destructing and being careless in regards to his feelings.  Luckily for me, I had a Jacob. Even though things were rough, he never gave up on us. We had to have some really tough conversations but through them, we were able to come to a revelation, we could get through this, that is, if we chose to. I remember one evening during this period, I walked out to the backyard to get some fresh air and busied myself watering flowers. As I walked past the playhouse, I looked up and there was my sign, staring right back at me, the names "Jessica" and "Jacob." They'd been there the entire time we'd lived there (they were the names of the original owner's kids). But in that moment, even though I'd seen them a million times before, they were exactly what I needed to see.  They were my reminder that we are better as a unit, complementing each other and bringing out the best in each other. 

Fast forward to today, year 9 of marriage and we're in a better place than the day we said our vows. We've triumphed, we've struggled. We've smiled, we've cried. We've felt on top of the world, we've felt lost. And yet, we've made it. 

We've been together through some really monumental moments and also some detrimental. And while it's easy to be together on the mountain tops, it's the times in the valley that will truly test you. 

And love, it's also a balancing act. 

Y'all, I can be an absolute disaster. I know it and so does he. And yet, he embraces it. He's a work horse. He doesn't call it a day until the job is done, whether it be for his career or a project he is working on at home. And while some days I can struggle with it, I also admire the hell out of him for it. Despite my momma being one of the best cooks I know, I can't cook to save my life. But Jacob? I think he was a chef in another lifetime. So he makes dinner and I do the dishes. And even though sometimes I swear he uses every dang dish in the kitchen, I really don't mind. We're both strong willed, but for the most part we know when to stand our ground and when to back down. 

Love is chaos. It's varying schedules and nights with little sleep. Sometimes it's weekly coffee dates and other times, you feel like you haven't spent quality time with each other in months. It's staying in with the kids while your partner is enjoying a night out with their friends. It's meaningful conversations and days with little words. 

Love is a battlefield; we're all scarred. That's how we know we're living a life worth fighting for. 

The Only Thing Standing Between You Being the Best Version of Yourself Is YOU

That's right girlfriend, as much as you don't want to hear it, as much as you don't want to admit it, it's you. You are your biggest obstacle. 

I for a fact, know that I am my own biggest obstacle and worst critic. I'm guilty of letting the voice of self doubt take over, putting a gray cloud over anything and everything. 

That stops now.

Let's start from the beginning. I've realized to be the best version of myself, I need to focus on MY vision, not anybody else's. It's time to stop wasting time, effort and energy trying to live up to someone else's expectations. 

Acknowledge that change is scary and then, proceed anyway. Fear is the reason that most of us choose not to proceed forward with decisions involving change. If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. For me, that meant taking a stab at becoming an ambassador for an online clothing boutique. PSA, we've got some REALLY cute stuff ya'll, you should check it out :)  [www.jelizabethboutique.com/jesssweettee]

Realize that it's okay to make mistakes. Take that moment and learn from it but don't live in it. 

Educate yourself. Those things in life that you're passionate about? Make the time to learn about them and put your heart into it through reading, finding a mentor and observing. 

Focus on your strengths. Take the time to focus on the things that you do well. While I know that I'm not going to be someone's first pick for a softball substitute (it's really okay guys,I'm terrible and I know it), I know that there are several things that I excel in. Do you need help putting something in words? I'm your girl. Writing is not only my passion, but it's also the one thing that I truly feel like I'm good at. Need a duet partner for Disney karaoke? I've got you boo. Has it been a rough day? Are you in need of a glass of wine and a good vent session or would you rather we turn up the music and dance it out, Meredith and Christina style? Regardless of your answer, I'm your girl. 

Keep positive, supportive, people around you. Sometimes, our circle changes. Realize that it's okay. Some people will be with us for a reason, others for a season, some for a lifetime. It's easy for people to want to stand by you while you are thriving, standing on a mountain top. It's harder for people to stand with you in the valleys, when life throws some hard stuff your way. The people who do both, those are your people. Keep them, know them, love them. Let them know how much you appreciate them for all they are to you.

Believe in yourself, treasure yourself. Take time to do the things that prove that you care for yourself. Try to get your steps in. Wrap up in a blanket and get lost in a book. Sleep in. Get up early and find a routine. Whatever you choose to do, do it for you. 

Start each day with a grateful heart and a positive mindset. Be kind. Offer a hug or embrace to someone who is having a rough go. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give someone a genuine compliment. Do something for someone without expecting anything in return. 

Be you, do you, for you. The rest will fall into place. 

So excuse me while I'm being me, doing me, for me. I'm out here trying to live my best life. 

The South Side Isn't Just a Location, It's a Way of Life

Within a mile radius of my home live several of my closest friends and family. We often refer to ourselves as the "Southside" crew due to our neighborhood location on the south side of the railroad tracks. Life in our neck of the woods is full of shenanigans. It is chaotic, exhausting and busy. Yet, it is so very fulfilling. 

Before I get too much farther, let me also say this; while it makes it easier to partake in festivities, you do not actually have to live on the south side to be considered part of the crew. The south side isn't just a location, it's a way of life.

We have an open door policy. If there are cars in the driveway, you are welcome to come in. Whether it be to say a quick hello or to unload after a rough day, we're here for one another. That chair you're sitting in? It is a place of non-judgement.  

Kids are welcome. We may have an occasional kid free night, however, most often, there is a tiny army running around. So what if they found a mud hole in the backyard; it's nothing a bathtub and a too big t-shirt can't fix. Has today been a rough one for them, full of meltdowns and tears? Bring them. Days like that can be taxing, we get it, and it's nothing that we haven't all seen before. Let them run around in the dark, playing hide and seek. It can get a little (okay, maybe a lot) loud most nights but what's better than watching your kids being kids, laughing and carrying on? I'll tell you. Nothing.  Are toys strewn throughout the house at the end of the night? Are there half full cups sitting on the table? Popcorn kernels all over the floor? Yes, yes and yes. I'd be lying if I said that it isn't somewhat exhausting  but you know what? Kids come and they feel like they can truly do what they're best at, being kids.

There is always food on the table and beer in the fridge. Mi casa es su casa. Hungry? Feel free to raid the cabinets and/or fridge. Everything in there is replaceable. Thirsty? Get yourself a drink. Need a hot cup of coffee? We've got you covered, always. 

Impromptu gatherings are a common occurrence, it doesn't matter if it's a Tuesday night or a Sunday afternoon. Late nights often turn into early mornings as an evening get-together dwindles into the next day. Food, laughter and conversation are never in short supply. Some nights we're packed around a kitchen table, playing a game of cards and others we're packed around a fire pit, listening to music and dancing under the light of the moon. Can't dance? We've got you covered. At some point or another, every one of us has considered ourselves a master of the craft. Garage or kitchen karaoke? You betcha. Whether it be an old country song or Eminem blasting through the speakers, we're about to give it our all. The whole "living in the moment" philosophy? We welcome it with open arms. 

We love one another wholeheartedly - the imperfect parts of one another, the confused, the wrong; because that is what friends are supposed to do. We are each other's biggest supporters and yet, we're not afraid to call each other on our crap. Don't get it twisted though, while it may be okay for us to call each other out, don't be surprised when we don't let anyone else drag us down. We celebrate together, we mourn together. We have weird conversations and deep ones too. We can be honest and raw around one another. We build each other up. We are always happy for each other, no matter what; even if we feel their situation is better than our own, because when they're up, we're up and vice versa.

We're a mess. We put the fun in dysfunctional. But we're a family, the family we chose for ourselves. 

A Letter to My Younger Self

Hey Pook, 

It may be hard to see yourself while looking at your reflection but she's still there. 

She's been changed by life experiences. Her eyes often have bags under them. There's an extra thirty pounds on her body, marked with stretch marks and scars. But don't worry, it's nothing to be ashamed of. The bags under my eyes are earned from late nights; nights spent laughing and snuggling. The stretch marks and scars a badge earned from motherhood, a badge I proudly wear, even on the hard days.

Girl, quit apologizing. Don't apologize for the way you snort when you laugh. Nor should you apologize for how you dress or wear your hair. Don't apologize for choosing to wear makeup. If it makes you feel good, do it. Don't feel lame because you chose to stay home on a Friday night while all your other friends were out. You should never be sorry for being yourself, ever. 

Don't judge your self-worth on the achievements of others. You've done it your whole life but in your mid to late twenties, you're going to fight a pretty big inner battle because of it. You are not defined by your lack of a college degree, nor are you any less successful because you became a mother at 19. While your friends are out there pursuing their dreams, celebrate them, encourage them. You are successful in your own ways and the older you get, the more you'll realize that. 


You're going to have your heart broken but it will mend. You're going to fall several times while you're young but be more conscious of the guys you give your heart to. Trust your gut. The childhood friend that you fell head over heals for, when he walks away, let him. Don't chase after someone who won't chase you, nothing good comes from it. You're only opening yourself up to more heartache. But one day, someone will walk into your life that changes that. For a long time you're afraid to let him in. Trust me when I say you should. He will be the one who continually builds you up, the one who sticks with you through some of life's biggest challenges, loving you at your worst. Flash forward 14 years and spoiler alert, that same guy becomes your husband and the father of your children.

Don't be afraid to stray from the beaten path.  Embrace change. Don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from taking the leap. Follow your heart, fight for what you believe in. 

Sometimes those closest to you are the ones who hurt you the most. You're going to feel hurt, battered and bruised. You're going to wonder what it was that you did to make them treat you the way they did. Sweet girl, it was never your fault. Selfish people only care for their own pleasures, even when it causes pain to someone else. 

You will have to work hard for what you want. However, everything you want is within your reach. 

You will experience unimaginable loss. Allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to grieve. It's going to knock you down, it's going to hurt like hell. However, when you finally manage to come out on the other side, you'll come through a much stronger person. 

As your life changes, so will your circle. Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Choose to be around people who touch your heart and who let you be yourself. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care and don't judge you for your decisions. Let's face it, we will all make some less than stellar choices in our lives. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person and bring out the best in you, people who get you.  

Dancing like no one is watching. I know, I know, pretty cliché. But DO IT. It's okay to let your hair down and get lost in a beat. In fact, on the hard days, I encourage you to do so. Dancing it out always worked for Meredith & Christina, I'm quite positive it can work for you too. 

Live.  Stay up late binge-watching a show, even if you have to be up at 6:30 the next morning for work. Get in the car and drive with no destination in mind, you'll make some of your best memories this way. Run a 5k [and by run, I mean "wog" because hey, we work with what we got]. When you've had a rough day, take a yoga class or go to coffee with friends, you'll feel like a new person afterwards. Let your kids be kids; let them make a mess of your house, it cleans up. Make self care a priority. Laugh, a lot. 

 Dierks Bentley says it best in his song:

Some days you just breath in,
Just try to break even,
Sometimes your heart's poundin' out of your chest,
Sometimes it's just beatin'.
Some days you just forget,
What all you've been given,
Some days you just get by,
And some days you're just alive,
Some days you're livin'.
Some days you're livin'.

And let me tell you girl. Right now, you're livin' your best life.

Love, 

Your 30 Year Old Self

2019: A Year of Courage

Holy cannoli, how is it already January?!?! Seriously, I feel like I was just counting down to Thanksgiving & Christmas and now BOOM, they've come and gone. 

Oh January.... month of  "new year, new me" and new beginnings. Please don't take the previous sentence as judgment or make you feel shameful for that way of thinking. Trust me, I've been there time and time again. However, this year, instead of thinking "new year, new me," I've decided to take  a different approach - "new year, same girl, forever a work in progress."

You see the thing is, on the whole, I like who I am. Are there areas for improvement? Absolutely. 

For 2019, instead of choosing one specific goal to focus on, I chose a broad one. For 2019, I picked a word, one single word, which I hope will define the next 365 days. 

That word? 

Merriam-Webster defines courage as mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. Or in simple terms, courage is the ability to do something that frightens you. 

In 2019, I seek to find the courage to make changes for my physical health. And while I have made this a goal before, I want to really push myself to make this change a lasting one. Yes, I want to lose some weight but this goal is so much more than that. I want to feel better. I want to ensure that I am capable of running around with my kids. I want to be able to explore without feeling like my physical health is holding me back. I want to feel better about how I look, for myself more than anyone else. 

I seek the courage to practice self-care. A friend gifted me the book "Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis. There are people who are torn over this book and it's message, but I'm going to be honest with you, this book has been everything I've needed to hear. In one of her earlier chapters, I came across the following:

"I reordered my list. When I ask most women to name the things on their priority list, they can throw them out there no problem: kids, partner, work, faith, etc. The order may change, but the bullet points rarely do. You know what also rarely changes no matter how many women I talk to? Women actually putting themselves on their own priority list. You should be the very first of your priorities! Are you getting enough sleep, enough water, the right nutrition? You cannot take care of others well if you're not taking care of yourself."

There it is folks. For me, I know I operate better when I'm making sure to take time for myself but like many, I often feel guilty for doing so. How can I take an hour to sit in the tub when I know that there is a pile of laundry that needs put away?  How can I sit down and watch a movie when I know the house needs clean? Here's the problem: too often I miss out because I busy myself with tasks that in all honesty can wait. That hour long bath may have allowed my mind to clear so that I wasn't so short with my kids when they didn't do what I asked. That two hour movie may have been my only opportunity to snuggle with my husband and kids for the next couple of days due to our schedule. Here's to making a more solid effort : take the bath, read the book, go to coffee with a friend. I'm not saying it's going to happen right away, I'm not saying that there won't be times I fail, but  whatever it takes to keep you in line, do it. We'll be a better version of ourselves because of it. 

I seek the courage to reconnect with my faith. Growing up, we went to church as a family. And as I got older, even on the days when schedules may put my parents out of town for a sporting event, I often went on my own, taking the bus when needed and  then driving myself after I got my license. But then, as life went on, I got in the way of my faith. How you ask? I got older. I got more involved in the social scene. I started dating. I began working. I was going to school. I became a mother. I got married. All of these things (all wonderful and great) became the front runner and attending church fell on the back burner. Then, about 5 years ago, Jacob I began to occasionally attend church with his sister and her husband in Lenexa. I loved our experience there. Every Sunday we left, I felt rejuvenated. The sermon was always spoken in a way that I could apply to my own life and life experiences. And yet again, I got in my own way, I allowed life to get in my way. Flash forward to 2019: I haven't been to church in over two years. If I'm being honest, the last time I went was when a friend and I decided to visit a local church (husband, kids and my Grandma in tow) for their local Christmas program. I'd be lying if I said that some of my past church experiences haven't jaded me. But then again, I can't use that as my excuse to not jump back on the horse (so if you're reading this and have a church suggestion, throw one my way)!  I recently purchased a 100 day devotional titled "100 Days to Brave" (it actually just showed up in my mailbox today). I flipped through it on my way to work after lunch and found that every devotional is ended with a challenge, the first one being, "tell one person (a friend, a spouse, a coworker, a mentor) that you have begun this 100 day journey towards a braver life." So I chose to tell you, my readers. 

I seek the courage to date my husband again. Some of you are probably thinking "what?" But I'm being completely serious. Jacob and I have been together since we were 16, almost 14 years, almost half of our lives. We've grown together. We've taken on life together. We're parents, working adults, friends. And while I love each and every one of those titles, I know that because of who we are, we often put those titles in front of ourselves, in front of one another. So this year, I'm challenging us to bring back date night, starting with one night a month. Date nights don't have to be extravagant. Heck, take me to Sonic for a mango cherry limeade and some extreme tots and you've got a happy girl on your hands. Thankfully, my husband is the same way. For us, date night isn't about what we're doing, it's about the fact that whatever we're doing, we're doing it together. 

And along with some of my bigger goals, comes some smaller ones, yet they are still as significant. 

I seek the courage to be more understanding; the courage to emphasize more and judge less. 

I seek the courage to explore ; to visit new places and truly allow myself to embrace them. 

I seek the courage to try new things, whether it be new foods or a new hobby. 

I seek the courage to live in the moment ; to forget about the dishes in the sink or the honey-dos & allow myself to breathe. 

I seek the courage to let go of things I cannot change. 

I seek the courage for personal growth. 

What's your word?