The Only Thing Standing Between You Being the Best Version of Yourself Is YOU

That's right girlfriend, as much as you don't want to hear it, as much as you don't want to admit it, it's you. You are your biggest obstacle. 

I for a fact, know that I am my own biggest obstacle and worst critic. I'm guilty of letting the voice of self doubt take over, putting a gray cloud over anything and everything. 

That stops now.

Let's start from the beginning. I've realized to be the best version of myself, I need to focus on MY vision, not anybody else's. It's time to stop wasting time, effort and energy trying to live up to someone else's expectations. 

Acknowledge that change is scary and then, proceed anyway. Fear is the reason that most of us choose not to proceed forward with decisions involving change. If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. For me, that meant taking a stab at becoming an ambassador for an online clothing boutique. PSA, we've got some REALLY cute stuff ya'll, you should check it out :)  [www.jelizabethboutique.com/jesssweettee]

Realize that it's okay to make mistakes. Take that moment and learn from it but don't live in it. 

Educate yourself. Those things in life that you're passionate about? Make the time to learn about them and put your heart into it through reading, finding a mentor and observing. 

Focus on your strengths. Take the time to focus on the things that you do well. While I know that I'm not going to be someone's first pick for a softball substitute (it's really okay guys,I'm terrible and I know it), I know that there are several things that I excel in. Do you need help putting something in words? I'm your girl. Writing is not only my passion, but it's also the one thing that I truly feel like I'm good at. Need a duet partner for Disney karaoke? I've got you boo. Has it been a rough day? Are you in need of a glass of wine and a good vent session or would you rather we turn up the music and dance it out, Meredith and Christina style? Regardless of your answer, I'm your girl. 

Keep positive, supportive, people around you. Sometimes, our circle changes. Realize that it's okay. Some people will be with us for a reason, others for a season, some for a lifetime. It's easy for people to want to stand by you while you are thriving, standing on a mountain top. It's harder for people to stand with you in the valleys, when life throws some hard stuff your way. The people who do both, those are your people. Keep them, know them, love them. Let them know how much you appreciate them for all they are to you.

Believe in yourself, treasure yourself. Take time to do the things that prove that you care for yourself. Try to get your steps in. Wrap up in a blanket and get lost in a book. Sleep in. Get up early and find a routine. Whatever you choose to do, do it for you. 

Start each day with a grateful heart and a positive mindset. Be kind. Offer a hug or embrace to someone who is having a rough go. Hold the door open for a stranger. Give someone a genuine compliment. Do something for someone without expecting anything in return. 

Be you, do you, for you. The rest will fall into place. 

So excuse me while I'm being me, doing me, for me. I'm out here trying to live my best life. 

The South Side Isn't Just a Location, It's a Way of Life

Within a mile radius of my home live several of my closest friends and family. We often refer to ourselves as the "Southside" crew due to our neighborhood location on the south side of the railroad tracks. Life in our neck of the woods is full of shenanigans. It is chaotic, exhausting and busy. Yet, it is so very fulfilling. 

Before I get too much farther, let me also say this; while it makes it easier to partake in festivities, you do not actually have to live on the south side to be considered part of the crew. The south side isn't just a location, it's a way of life.

We have an open door policy. If there are cars in the driveway, you are welcome to come in. Whether it be to say a quick hello or to unload after a rough day, we're here for one another. That chair you're sitting in? It is a place of non-judgement.  

Kids are welcome. We may have an occasional kid free night, however, most often, there is a tiny army running around. So what if they found a mud hole in the backyard; it's nothing a bathtub and a too big t-shirt can't fix. Has today been a rough one for them, full of meltdowns and tears? Bring them. Days like that can be taxing, we get it, and it's nothing that we haven't all seen before. Let them run around in the dark, playing hide and seek. It can get a little (okay, maybe a lot) loud most nights but what's better than watching your kids being kids, laughing and carrying on? I'll tell you. Nothing.  Are toys strewn throughout the house at the end of the night? Are there half full cups sitting on the table? Popcorn kernels all over the floor? Yes, yes and yes. I'd be lying if I said that it isn't somewhat exhausting  but you know what? Kids come and they feel like they can truly do what they're best at, being kids.

There is always food on the table and beer in the fridge. Mi casa es su casa. Hungry? Feel free to raid the cabinets and/or fridge. Everything in there is replaceable. Thirsty? Get yourself a drink. Need a hot cup of coffee? We've got you covered, always. 

Impromptu gatherings are a common occurrence, it doesn't matter if it's a Tuesday night or a Sunday afternoon. Late nights often turn into early mornings as an evening get-together dwindles into the next day. Food, laughter and conversation are never in short supply. Some nights we're packed around a kitchen table, playing a game of cards and others we're packed around a fire pit, listening to music and dancing under the light of the moon. Can't dance? We've got you covered. At some point or another, every one of us has considered ourselves a master of the craft. Garage or kitchen karaoke? You betcha. Whether it be an old country song or Eminem blasting through the speakers, we're about to give it our all. The whole "living in the moment" philosophy? We welcome it with open arms. 

We love one another wholeheartedly - the imperfect parts of one another, the confused, the wrong; because that is what friends are supposed to do. We are each other's biggest supporters and yet, we're not afraid to call each other on our crap. Don't get it twisted though, while it may be okay for us to call each other out, don't be surprised when we don't let anyone else drag us down. We celebrate together, we mourn together. We have weird conversations and deep ones too. We can be honest and raw around one another. We build each other up. We are always happy for each other, no matter what; even if we feel their situation is better than our own, because when they're up, we're up and vice versa.

We're a mess. We put the fun in dysfunctional. But we're a family, the family we chose for ourselves. 

A Letter to My Younger Self

Hey Pook, 

It may be hard to see yourself while looking at your reflection but she's still there. 

She's been changed by life experiences. Her eyes often have bags under them. There's an extra thirty pounds on her body, marked with stretch marks and scars. But don't worry, it's nothing to be ashamed of. The bags under my eyes are earned from late nights; nights spent laughing and snuggling. The stretch marks and scars a badge earned from motherhood, a badge I proudly wear, even on the hard days.

Girl, quit apologizing. Don't apologize for the way you snort when you laugh. Nor should you apologize for how you dress or wear your hair. Don't apologize for choosing to wear makeup. If it makes you feel good, do it. Don't feel lame because you chose to stay home on a Friday night while all your other friends were out. You should never be sorry for being yourself, ever. 

Don't judge your self-worth on the achievements of others. You've done it your whole life but in your mid to late twenties, you're going to fight a pretty big inner battle because of it. You are not defined by your lack of a college degree, nor are you any less successful because you became a mother at 19. While your friends are out there pursuing their dreams, celebrate them, encourage them. You are successful in your own ways and the older you get, the more you'll realize that. 


You're going to have your heart broken but it will mend. You're going to fall several times while you're young but be more conscious of the guys you give your heart to. Trust your gut. The childhood friend that you fell head over heals for, when he walks away, let him. Don't chase after someone who won't chase you, nothing good comes from it. You're only opening yourself up to more heartache. But one day, someone will walk into your life that changes that. For a long time you're afraid to let him in. Trust me when I say you should. He will be the one who continually builds you up, the one who sticks with you through some of life's biggest challenges, loving you at your worst. Flash forward 14 years and spoiler alert, that same guy becomes your husband and the father of your children.

Don't be afraid to stray from the beaten path.  Embrace change. Don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from taking the leap. Follow your heart, fight for what you believe in. 

Sometimes those closest to you are the ones who hurt you the most. You're going to feel hurt, battered and bruised. You're going to wonder what it was that you did to make them treat you the way they did. Sweet girl, it was never your fault. Selfish people only care for their own pleasures, even when it causes pain to someone else. 

You will have to work hard for what you want. However, everything you want is within your reach. 

You will experience unimaginable loss. Allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to grieve. It's going to knock you down, it's going to hurt like hell. However, when you finally manage to come out on the other side, you'll come through a much stronger person. 

As your life changes, so will your circle. Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Choose to be around people who touch your heart and who let you be yourself. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care and don't judge you for your decisions. Let's face it, we will all make some less than stellar choices in our lives. Surround yourself with people who make you a better person and bring out the best in you, people who get you.  

Dancing like no one is watching. I know, I know, pretty cliché. But DO IT. It's okay to let your hair down and get lost in a beat. In fact, on the hard days, I encourage you to do so. Dancing it out always worked for Meredith & Christina, I'm quite positive it can work for you too. 

Live.  Stay up late binge-watching a show, even if you have to be up at 6:30 the next morning for work. Get in the car and drive with no destination in mind, you'll make some of your best memories this way. Run a 5k [and by run, I mean "wog" because hey, we work with what we got]. When you've had a rough day, take a yoga class or go to coffee with friends, you'll feel like a new person afterwards. Let your kids be kids; let them make a mess of your house, it cleans up. Make self care a priority. Laugh, a lot. 

 Dierks Bentley says it best in his song:

Some days you just breath in,
Just try to break even,
Sometimes your heart's poundin' out of your chest,
Sometimes it's just beatin'.
Some days you just forget,
What all you've been given,
Some days you just get by,
And some days you're just alive,
Some days you're livin'.
Some days you're livin'.

And let me tell you girl. Right now, you're livin' your best life.

Love, 

Your 30 Year Old Self

2019: A Year of Courage

Holy cannoli, how is it already January?!?! Seriously, I feel like I was just counting down to Thanksgiving & Christmas and now BOOM, they've come and gone. 

Oh January.... month of  "new year, new me" and new beginnings. Please don't take the previous sentence as judgment or make you feel shameful for that way of thinking. Trust me, I've been there time and time again. However, this year, instead of thinking "new year, new me," I've decided to take  a different approach - "new year, same girl, forever a work in progress."

You see the thing is, on the whole, I like who I am. Are there areas for improvement? Absolutely. 

For 2019, instead of choosing one specific goal to focus on, I chose a broad one. For 2019, I picked a word, one single word, which I hope will define the next 365 days. 

That word? 

Merriam-Webster defines courage as mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. Or in simple terms, courage is the ability to do something that frightens you. 

In 2019, I seek to find the courage to make changes for my physical health. And while I have made this a goal before, I want to really push myself to make this change a lasting one. Yes, I want to lose some weight but this goal is so much more than that. I want to feel better. I want to ensure that I am capable of running around with my kids. I want to be able to explore without feeling like my physical health is holding me back. I want to feel better about how I look, for myself more than anyone else. 

I seek the courage to practice self-care. A friend gifted me the book "Girl, Wash Your Face" by Rachel Hollis. There are people who are torn over this book and it's message, but I'm going to be honest with you, this book has been everything I've needed to hear. In one of her earlier chapters, I came across the following:

"I reordered my list. When I ask most women to name the things on their priority list, they can throw them out there no problem: kids, partner, work, faith, etc. The order may change, but the bullet points rarely do. You know what also rarely changes no matter how many women I talk to? Women actually putting themselves on their own priority list. You should be the very first of your priorities! Are you getting enough sleep, enough water, the right nutrition? You cannot take care of others well if you're not taking care of yourself."

There it is folks. For me, I know I operate better when I'm making sure to take time for myself but like many, I often feel guilty for doing so. How can I take an hour to sit in the tub when I know that there is a pile of laundry that needs put away?  How can I sit down and watch a movie when I know the house needs clean? Here's the problem: too often I miss out because I busy myself with tasks that in all honesty can wait. That hour long bath may have allowed my mind to clear so that I wasn't so short with my kids when they didn't do what I asked. That two hour movie may have been my only opportunity to snuggle with my husband and kids for the next couple of days due to our schedule. Here's to making a more solid effort : take the bath, read the book, go to coffee with a friend. I'm not saying it's going to happen right away, I'm not saying that there won't be times I fail, but  whatever it takes to keep you in line, do it. We'll be a better version of ourselves because of it. 

I seek the courage to reconnect with my faith. Growing up, we went to church as a family. And as I got older, even on the days when schedules may put my parents out of town for a sporting event, I often went on my own, taking the bus when needed and  then driving myself after I got my license. But then, as life went on, I got in the way of my faith. How you ask? I got older. I got more involved in the social scene. I started dating. I began working. I was going to school. I became a mother. I got married. All of these things (all wonderful and great) became the front runner and attending church fell on the back burner. Then, about 5 years ago, Jacob I began to occasionally attend church with his sister and her husband in Lenexa. I loved our experience there. Every Sunday we left, I felt rejuvenated. The sermon was always spoken in a way that I could apply to my own life and life experiences. And yet again, I got in my own way, I allowed life to get in my way. Flash forward to 2019: I haven't been to church in over two years. If I'm being honest, the last time I went was when a friend and I decided to visit a local church (husband, kids and my Grandma in tow) for their local Christmas program. I'd be lying if I said that some of my past church experiences haven't jaded me. But then again, I can't use that as my excuse to not jump back on the horse (so if you're reading this and have a church suggestion, throw one my way)!  I recently purchased a 100 day devotional titled "100 Days to Brave" (it actually just showed up in my mailbox today). I flipped through it on my way to work after lunch and found that every devotional is ended with a challenge, the first one being, "tell one person (a friend, a spouse, a coworker, a mentor) that you have begun this 100 day journey towards a braver life." So I chose to tell you, my readers. 

I seek the courage to date my husband again. Some of you are probably thinking "what?" But I'm being completely serious. Jacob and I have been together since we were 16, almost 14 years, almost half of our lives. We've grown together. We've taken on life together. We're parents, working adults, friends. And while I love each and every one of those titles, I know that because of who we are, we often put those titles in front of ourselves, in front of one another. So this year, I'm challenging us to bring back date night, starting with one night a month. Date nights don't have to be extravagant. Heck, take me to Sonic for a mango cherry limeade and some extreme tots and you've got a happy girl on your hands. Thankfully, my husband is the same way. For us, date night isn't about what we're doing, it's about the fact that whatever we're doing, we're doing it together. 

And along with some of my bigger goals, comes some smaller ones, yet they are still as significant. 

I seek the courage to be more understanding; the courage to emphasize more and judge less. 

I seek the courage to explore ; to visit new places and truly allow myself to embrace them. 

I seek the courage to try new things, whether it be new foods or a new hobby. 

I seek the courage to live in the moment ; to forget about the dishes in the sink or the honey-dos & allow myself to breathe. 

I seek the courage to let go of things I cannot change. 

I seek the courage for personal growth. 

What's your word?

Wherever you are, be all there.

Y'all, I'm baaaaaack. 

It's been five months since my last blog post. My hiatus had a lot to do with what I was trying to focus on during that time - being present. 

Let's be honest, we're all guilty of it. One minute we're enjoying time with our spouses, our kids, our friends or our families and the next, we've been mindlessly browsing social media for an hour, pinning dinner recipes and seeing what the rest of the world has chosen to share. 

Heaven knows, I'm terrible about it. For me, I think I justified this as my "me time." My time to not really have to think about anything, to just have a moment to myself. But those "moments" turned into 20 minute, 30 minute, hour long intervals of time. I'd go from browsing Facebook, to browsing the housing market, to scrolling through Pinterest and Twitter. And while I felt decompressed, I was missing out on more important things and moments quickly slipped away that I couldn't get back. 

I started small. On days that I would go with Jacob to lunch, I'd leave my cell phone behind at the office. I owe that hour to him. Mornings and evenings both have the tendency to be a little chaotic in our household. Mornings are spent juggling between getting ourselves and two kids ready to head out the door for the day. Evenings are just as bad, if not worse. Does Tristan have homework? Do we need to go grocery shopping? The house needs picked up. What's for dinner? Followed by family time, bath-time &  bedtime, all which seem rushed more often than not. 

Now, there are days when I leave my phone tucked in my purse or upstairs on my nightstand from the time I walk in the door, until the time I plug it in to charge before I go to bed [so friends, on the nights that it may take me hours to respond to a text message, it's nothing personal, I promise]. 

I owe it to my husband to be present. My kids. My family. My friends. But most of all, I owe it to myself. 

I blinked and Tristan is 11. 

Brynlee is in preschool. 

Jacob and I have struggled and triumphed through 13 years together. 

My friends are married and starting families. 

Exciting things are happening within my immediate family. 

And I want to be present in every moment of that. 

Because of it, I hear the silly songs my daughter parades around singing . I hear the excitement register in Tristan's voice when he talks about playing football or tells me about his friends. I laugh more due to my husband's corny, but also clever dad jokes. I get lost in a book. I smile more with my friends. I truly relax.

I'd be lying if I said I succeed every day. Because I don't. Like everything else in life, It's a constant work in progress. But I'm seeing the benefits, so I'll keep on keeping on. 

The End of An Era

Tuesday marks the end of an era. The end of a decade. The end of my twenties. 

It's strange. I literally feel as if I was just counting down the days to my twenty first birthday. And now, I've blinked. Thirty is right on the other side of the door, staring me in the face. 

But as weird as it feels, looking back on the last ten years, there is so much to be proud of. So much progress made within myself, my relationship and my life. And the good times, well they always managed to outweigh the bad. 

At twenty, Jacob and I went out on our own and found the apartment that was our first home together. There were days when I didn't know if we could juggle the responsibilities of parenthood, working and paving our own way. But we managed. We got our first family pet that year too, Tati, our rescue dog. 

At twenty one, I started what I felt was my first "big girl job." It was the first job I'd worked where I was able to gain benefits such as insurance and vacation time. I worked that job for five and a half years. It helped me obtain a lot of the skills that I have today. 

At twenty two, Jacob and I got married. We'd been engaged for two and a half years. I can't tell you how many times I heard, 'You're only twenty two, you've got the rest of your lives to live." But when you know, you know. 

At twenty three, we bought our first home together. Oh, the good ol' Belmont. We'd searched for houses off and on for awhile when we stumbled across a for sale sign in the yard of a trailer while driving around. I grew up in that trailer park. At first I wasn't sure about taking residence in it again, but after meeting with the gentleman who was selling it, Larry and taking a look inside, we knew we could turn it into a good home for us. That house saw a lot of memories. Many evenings were spent with friends and family, talking on the front deck or hanging out around the fire pit. It was the house we brought Brynlee home too. 

At twenty five, after over a year of trying, Jacob and I found out we were expecting our second child. I still remember sitting on the bathroom floor, looking at the plus sign that had formed on the pregnancy test. I remember looking at Jacob and saying, "This isn't right. This can't be right," to which he replied, "Jessica, we've been trying for this. It's right. Believe it. Celebrate it."

At twenty six, Brynlee was born. And although she made her entrance into this world seven weeks early, and times were trying, with her, our family felt complete. At twenty six, Jacob and I took a dream and made it a reality. It was that summer that we bought our current house. A house that we drove past several times and talked of how perfect it would be for our family. A house that is perfect for our family. 

At twenty seven, I left my job of five and a half years, and began my time at Valu-Net. Some people look at me like I'm crazy when they learn that Jacob and I work together, but it's a change I'm glad I made. Never would i have imagined the relationships that I've built in the last three years. Never would I have imagined the knowledge that I have gained. 

Those are some of the big ones. But there's also all the moments in between that made me thankful for this life that I have. 

It was during this time that I met new friends, some of which I have no doubts, I will be laughing with when I'm old and grey. 

I saw my mom get remarried and with that, our family grew. 

I've seen both of my brothers graduate college and move towards building their careers. 

I became an aunt, time and time again. 

I rode on a motorcycle for the first time. 

I mixed up hamburgers and pattied them on my own for the very first time... and I'm going to be honest. That was only Sunday!

I got my first, second and third tattoos.

I started blogging again. 


And with the good times, come the hard ones. I watched Jacob and his sisters lose their mom. A woman who welcomed me with open arms from the first day I met her. A woman who always helped you to find the sunshine in the rain. A woman, for lack of better words, who was simply outstanding.  

I lost my Grandma. 

My marriage struggled too. Lack of communication spiraled into some tough times. But without that struggle, I don't know that we would be where we are today. I feel like we are in a better place than we've ever been. 


I went through a bout with anxiety. And while I never saw anyone about it, I was able to get through with a LOT of help from my husband and friends. It affected me in ways that I never could of imagined. I questioned everything: myself and my way of thinking. I over-analyzed. I got angry. I would randomly burst into tears. And I think the scariest part of it for me was the fact that I could never actually PINPOINT what was wrong, I just felt as if I was always in a state of upheaval.

I don't think that it's the number thirty that actually bothers me or scares me. It's the fact that I know that along with thirty, comes some changes within our family. In August, Tristan will begin his first year in middle school and Brynlee will start pre-school. A few months ago, Jacob and I made the decision to close the door on having any more children. In my heart of hearts, I know it was the best choice for us and I don't regret it, but the finality of it all is hard to grasp at times. 

And to close it off, I thought I'd update everyone on my "30 Before 30" which unintentionally is going to become a "35 Before 35....." 

1. Start writing again, for me. To explore the possibilities of starting a blog and getting my thoughts out in hopes that it can help me find an outlet on days like today, to find my way back to something I am very passionate about and maybe, just maybe, help some other people through days like today.  I have continued to work on this blog & will continue to do so. Even though there are times when the days between posts are more than I'd like it to be, I'm enjoying finding new inspiration and things to write about. To those of you who take the time to read these posts as they are written, I thank you! 

2. Get healthy. Eat better. Lose 15-25 pounds.  Last summer I felt like I'd taken a good step forward. Even though I wasn't down more than about 8 pounds, I was toning & feeling better than ever. I've fallen off the wagon a bit but recently, with the help of Jacob, I'm trying to get back into the routine of hitting the gym in the mornings (at least 3 days a week). My  ultimate goal is to lose 10-15 pounds from my current weight of 163 by my birthday in May. Current weighing in between 157 & 159 pounds :)

3. Be a better me. For myself, for Jacob, for our kids. This will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, be a work in progress. However, I really do feel I've made strides in the right direction this year. Jacob and I went on our first overnight trip, alone, without children or friends a couple weeks ago and guess what? We survived. And I for one, had a dang good time.

4. Take more pictures of us. Of our children. Of nature. Find beauty behind the lens.

5. Get another tattoo. An anchor? The kid's names? Both?  Jacob and I both have a tattoo scheduled for this Saturday morning, STAY TUNED! 

6. Partake in a paintball fight.

7. Find adventure. Try new things. Say yes more often.  I'm trying to take this on as my new life mantra. 2017 has been a good year for this. I have tried new food - fish & oysters. I started playing disc golf. I made my first homemade pie, crust & all! 

8. Go on a random road trip with friends.

9. Travel to a new city or state.  I've stepped foot in Louisiana & Alabama this year (both a first for me) & went to a concert in Maryville, MO. A family trip to Arkansas and Tennessee are both in the works for 2018. Stay tuned.

10. Play messy twister.

11. Become a "regular" somewhere.   My friend Cate has told me that I can't become a regular somewhere, because we are the "regular spot." Hill Haven is often a gathering place for our family and friends. However, Jacob and I have started to have Saturday morning coffee dates. And while we've missed them a few times due to our schedule, it is something that I look forward to.

12. Learn to cook. I've screwed up hamburger helper for Pete's sake! This too, will forever be a work in progress but hey, I am working on it. I've made homemade noodles & took my first attempt at a homemade apple pie. 

13. Start a new family tradition.  I started a new "family" tradition with a set of friends this year. Alex and Neal, some friends of ours, held their First Annual Noodle Making Party this December. It was a tradition passed on to Neal by his Grandma and he shared it with a group of us this winter. I can honestly say, I had a blast and will continue to attend for as long as they keep the tradition going. BUT, it definitely does help if you remember to put said noodles in the freezer and not leave them in the beer cooler.... pure devastation.

14. Know that it's okay to say how I feel. Holding it in doesn't provoke change.

15. Rekindle the romance and friendship with my husband. Times get tough. Sometimes giving up seems like the easiest thing to do but 11 years is too far to come to just walk away. I feel Jacob & I have both made steps forward in this category. He is my best friend. He always makes me laugh (even when I'm trying really hard not to). He calls me on my crap. And at the end of the day, we have each other and we're working to be the best versions of ourselves for each other and our kids. 

16. Go to a Chase Rice concert.  HOLY SMOKES people, I can cross this one off my list. On December 8th, Jacob and I braved the campus of Northwest Missouri State University to attend my very first Chase Rice concert. I say first because if I have it my way, it won't be my last! He was AMAZING!!!! 

17. Worry less. It's okay to go a day without makeup or the perfect hair. And lazy Sundays are and should be a thing. I've definitely been embracing the exhilaration of not having to get all dolled up on the weekends.

18. Finally watch the Lord of the Rings & Hobbit trilogies.

19. Find the prettiest waterfall in the state of Kansas.

20. Experience a drive in theater. 

21. Re-read the Harry Potter series & have a weekend marathon. I'm working on it! I'm currently on book 4 of 7.

22. Continue to make more time for family. Always a work in progress. Life is hectic and schedules are busy but Jacob and I are really trying to make one another and our kids the highest priority.

23. Lear to let go. Of hurt and of anger. This will continue to be a work in progress but I feel like I'm making strides in the right direction.

24. Make time for myself.  Since I've been slacking in my commitment to go to the gym, my time alone has taken a backseat to other things in life. And this time of year is just crazy. I will admit though, it's my own fault. Jacob is always very encouraging me to take a little time to myself. So after a recent bathroom remodel, I am telling myself, "grab a glass of wine & a book and allow yourself to enjoy a nice soak in the tub every once in awhile."

25. Home improvement projects. Kitchen (done), wall decor, office area. The office area is still not done. I will get there though, I will get there. But we have remodeled the kid's bathroom and I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty envious of it.

26. Explore the opportunities within an online course or certification. 

27. Find the best cheeseburger in the state of Kansas.

28. Read more. I've read some good ones so far this year. I've found a new favorite author, Kristin Hannah & really enjoyed and recommend "The Good, The Bad and the Grace of God" by Jep & Jessica Robertson.

29. Go to a musical.

30. Never back down. Go after my dreams. 


It's been one hell of a ride twenties. I'll miss you. But I'm looking forward to my third decade and the possibilities it holds. So with that being said, it's a wrap!

And if I asked you to name all the things you loved, how long would it take for you to name yourself?

"One day it just clicks. You begin to really realize what's important and what isn't. You learn to care less about what people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you've come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you'd never recover. And you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you've fought to become."

We live in a world of judgement. We judge others. We judge ourselves. 

I've been judged for my hair color. My complexion. Because I have freckles and wore glasses. I've been given opinions on my decision to not finish college, on my parenting techniques. 

There was a time (up until very recently actually) that I'd let these comments get to me. I'd let the opinion of others interfere with my opinion of myself. But I've made an honest effort to be the best version of myself, to love myself, flaws and all. 

For a long time, I fought with myself over the decision I made to quit college. Some days I found it hard to see my some of my friends, college graduates, excelling in a career that they had chosen for themselves and fought for and know I didn't have that, that I'd chosen to "give up." I beat myself up for not pushing myself harder and further for my children. But now I've come to realize that at that moment in my life, quitting school was the best decision for ME. Tristan was born the summer before my sophomore year. For the year after he was born, I struggled to make school my focus. I wasn't passionate about my program. Simple truth, my heart just wasn't in it. My focus was on being a mom. So I quit school and went to work full time. 10 years later, I wouldn't change it. I've found a job that I enjoy and that has taught me skills that I never thought I would grasp. And at the end of the day, my family is provided for and that will forever be my first priority.

After having two children, clothes don't fit the way they used to. I've put on a few pounds...or 15. And so many times I'd look at myself in the mirror and think, "Wow girl...how did we get here?" I know the number on the scale doesn't define me, nor do the stretch marks on my legs but I'd beat myself up and tear myself down time and time again. But now? Now I'm trying to become a healthier, fitter version of myself, for ME. I've come to love my classes at the gym. I challenge myself to get up and move more often throughout the day. And at 29, I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I look at myself and think to myself, "Man your hair looks good today. Cute outfit! Oh wow, this color really does compliment my complexion." Yes I do have stretch marks and a scar from my c-section. But you know what else? I have provided a home for two children, an opportunity that not all women get. 

Little did I know it, I found my husband when I was sixteen. Almost thirteen years later, he remains by my side. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't times I was waiting for us to fail. I'd be lying if I said that there weren't times that I pushed him away. During those times I felt like if things had to end, then it was going to be in a way I could control. There are underlying issues as to why I thought this way, of which I won't dive into at this time. But now, we're in a better place than we've ever been and we're doing it for US. I'm okay with my first love being my one and only. We've fought damn hard to get here. 

And those are just some of the bigger things I've come to accept. There are many others:
It's okay for me to have an opinion of my OWN. 
It's okay for me to fight for the things I believe in.
It's okay to have a melt down, it's okay to not be okay. 
It's okay to have parenting fails, in the end it's going to make me better. 
It's okay to walk out of someone's life if you feel like you don't belong in it anymore.
It's okay to make mistakes, it's how I come back from those mistakes that matters.
It's okay to be scared, but I still need to put myself out there.
It's okay that some days it takes all I have just to breathe.
It's okay to be happy, it's okay to smile. 
It's okay if I don't know how much more I can handle. 
It's okay if I don't know what to do next.
It's okay to be a free spirit, to dream. 
It's okay to laugh loudly, even if the room is silent. 
It's okay for me to stand on my own two feet and be different. 
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to take chances, to follow my heart. 

It's taken years of work on myself, of surrounding myself with people who build me up even on my toughest days, but I'm finally getting there. I am smart. I am capable. I am worthy.